Humurous Wedding Vows

We all need some humor in our Wedding planning process. These aren't for actual use (unless you really want them) these are just for the relaxation and laughter of the bride and groom, whom are spending way too much time reading serious wedding readings.
Enjoy!

Yes, I’ll Marry You, My Dear

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear, and here’s reason why
So I can push you out of bed when the baby starts to cry
And if we hear a knocking and it’s creepy and it’s late
I’ll hand you the torch you see and you investigate.

Yes, I’ll marry you my dear, you may not apprehend it
But when the tumble-drier goes it’s you that has to mend it
You have to face the neighbour, should our labrador attack him
And if a drunkard fondles me, it’s you that has to whack him.

Yes I’ll marry you my dear, you’re virile and you’re lean
My house is like a pigsty, you can help to keep it clean
That little sexy dinner which you served by candlelight
As I just do chipolatas, you can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill and put up curtain track
And when I’ve got the PMT it’s you who gets the flak
I do see great advantages, but none of them for you
And so before you see the light, I do I do I do.


Will I have to be Sexy at Sixty?

Will I have to be Sexy at Sixty?
Will I have to keep trying so hard?
Well I’m just going to slump
With my dowager’s hump
And watch myself turn into lard.

I’m no going to keep exercising
I’m not going to take HRT
If a to boy enquires
I’ll say “Hah! Hard luck squire!
Where were you in ’73!”

I’m not going to shave my moustaches
I’m just going to let them all sprout
My chins’ll be double
All covered in stubble
I’m going to become an Old Trout!

My beauty all gone and forgotten
Vanished with never a quibble
I’ll sit here and just
Kind of gnaw at a crust
And squint at the telly, and dribble.

As my marbles get steadily fewer
Must I battle to keep my allure?
Have I still got to pout
Now my teeth have come out
And my husband has found pastures newer?

Farewell to the fad and the fashion
Farewell to the young and the free
My passion’s expired
At bedtime ..... I’m TIRED
Sexy and Sixty? Not me.

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